Air guitar rules

Air guitar fricking rules. If you’ve never air guitared you have never lived. Above is the greatest American air guitarist and newly crowned air guitar world champion Hot Lixx Hulahan.   He kicks ass. I bet he has lots of air guitar groupies. Man, i want to be an air guitarist.

Giraffes Rule!

They are tall, they have spots, they have funny little ears and they could stomp the hell out of you with out even realizing it as they stand at average 18 feet.  Giraffes can also run 25-35mph, so that after they accidentally stomp you while chewing leaves on top of trees they can take off like a bat out of hell leaving you all alone, crumpled and bloody under its very own giving tree. Ah, the gentle giraffe. 

I heard a joke with a giraffe in it the other day and it made me giggle.  It went something like this, Average douche bag asked his buddy, “Are you high?” to which the buddy replied ” I’m as high as a giraffe vagina” Ha. That joke rules! (Thank you Joe Rogan)

I would love a pet giraffe. How awesome would it be to take him for a walk or even better ride him to the bars at night for a cocktail? Chicks would be all over you for obvious reasons. Also, I doubt you could get pulled over for giraffing while intoxicated. Even if you did get pulled over, you could just sick your giraffe on the copper and have your giant buddy stomp the popo’s guts out all over the street. Never fuck with a giraffe. Never.

Side note: I wonder if anyone has ever gotten a giraffe drunk. I would love to see a giraffe trying to walk wasted. Hours of entertainment

While searching for reasons why giraffes rule I came across this giraffes rule video.

WARNING!  This video is pretty gay and annoying, but it made me feel good that others out there are really in to giraffes and think they rules as well. It’s nice to know I have something in common with this chick’s sister. I don’t feel so lonely anymore. I suggest turning the volume down if you choose to watch this silly giraffe video. The song in question made me want to donkey punch myself.

Giraffes rule!

Camel toes rule!

I’m not too sure if the thing above is a camel to or not. In fact I think it might be a moose knuckle or maybe its just a big ‘ol fat roll spreading out for comfort, Enquiring minds want to know.  Lets get back to the task at hand and that is camel toes.  They are like a preview into a world that could be yours if you so dare. Why do previews rule? Because you get a small look at the feature to see if it’s something you want to spend your money on.  

Not all camel toes are like the thing above. Some can be soft and supple, some can be cute and funny, and almost Meg Ryanish from the 80′s and some can be a dangerous adventures that should only be tackled by the likes of tough guy in the vain of Bruce Willis or that new James Bond dude.

How many times have you seen a camel toe big or small, scary or pretty and pointed it out to your friends for fun. Nothing can bring more joy to a boring day at the beach than a camel toe coming out of the water in all of its glory.  I wish they made the actual noise of the camel, WaaahHHaaaaammeeeerff!!! Letting all of us know of its horrible confinement and dreams of escape.  All a camel toe  has in life is getting set free for all the world to see

Camel toes rule!

Robots Rule

Who doesn’t love a robot? Okay maybe the people in Terminator or other 80′s flicks where robots go nuts and kill people don’t like them very much.  But hey, who saves the day form the evil robots? Other fucking robots and we love them for it. Shit, we even make them governor and I have a sneaky suspicion that if it were not for the current laws we would have a former robot as president of the United States.

Remember Rosie from The Jetsons?  She fucking ruled! That lead headed lady did the dishes, cleaned the house, made toast from her back, answered homework questions, scratched Georges back, played catch with his boy Elroy, talked to Judy about boys, I think she even gave her condoms to make sure she was safe.  I fucking loved Rosie.

I would love my own robot. Mine would be black and I would name him Jamarkus (I’m an equal opportunity employer of robots) He would be bad ass, with a voice like Berry White, have dance moves like MC hammer always have a beer for me and be able to fly me anywhere, all I would have to do would be to hang on to his feet as he glided me away with helicopter blades sprouting from his metal afro head

I always wanted to be able to shoot orange juice out of my finger so I could have a glass or serve one to others whenever I wanted and wherever I was.  I would make my robot be able to do this. I know beer would be cooler or maybe even Jaeger.  But, if for some reason someone ever built a time machine and the kid that was me ever came to the future I want him to be proud that I made our dreams happen and not crush them with booze like all of our other dreams.  You see, robots can make our child selves proud of  us and make dreams come true.  

Robots Rule!

Here we go!

This is a test, a test of things that rule. Today is like pushing the first domino in a day long set up. lets see what happens.

All i know for now is that this site will be about things that rule.  Nothing in particular i guess,  just stuff that rules. Stuff like, bacon, Pez dispensers, fights, medium rare steak, cotton candy, robots, Guns and Roses, car crashes and stuffed animals with instruments of death like machetes and chain saws.  Yes, all that stuff rules. If you don’t think that stuff rules than you should go somewhere else, you are most likely a douche and we hate you. If you do enjoy these things, then you rule and you have found your home for only the very best of things that rule.

~Jyag

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